something so divided

it's that time of year again.

that time that i live for when the air is chilled and scented and wet with decay. i walk around my neighbourhood at night just letting my skin absorb it all. this change of season always leaves me feeling a little divided. it has to do with being a fall baby, i think. this strange sense of entitlement rolls over me in waves and i start to feel like everything belongs to me and desire claws its way into my bones and commandeers my thoughts. the fog flattens my hair and mats it against my forehead and i want new hair. my apartment feels damp and basement-y and i want a new apartment. my clothes feel worn out and foreign and i want new clothes.

and he's there...lurking in the corners, winking at me, telling me black is the new black is the new black is the new black, that he is and he IS and if i hurry i might still find him in someone before winter hits and i just settle in with my eyes shut and my heart boxed and my soul on simmer until next fall.

live your life like you're one