forget me not

i've been awol for so long that i've almost forgotton how to blog.

almost.

these past few weeks have been strange and hectic and wonderful and thus there's been no time to blog- not to mention the fact that i don't have an internet connection in my new apartment (so even if i did have the time, i still don't have the means).

there are only three more shopping days until christmas. it just kills me how in the winter, everyone measures the passage of time in terms of remaining shopping days- it's as though it surpasses all other time measurement, if only briefly. matt good says that nowadays christmas is for shopping and the shopping god is everything. i think he's right. all that cynicism aside- i'm strangely prepared this year. i've had my sister's car this past week as she's been off sunning her ass in the dominican republic since last thursday, so that's helped in terms of getting around from store to store more efficiently. also- paul is back in england with his family until the 30th so my list of recent distractions has shortened drastically.

today was particularly fun as i went out to buy a christmas tree. it was an adventure of sorts and so i'm sort of proud of myself for pulling the whole thing off. i was by myself, so i tied the tree to my car, drove it home, hauled it into my apartment and sawed off the end so it would absorb the water better. all that, an narry a drop of sap made it's way onto my wool coat.

i think props are in order.

long time no see

moved into my new apartment last saturday.
it's nice, dark, quiet and mine.

yesterday i went to buffalo with paul to get his permanent canadian residency. buffalo...not what i expected, in any case. we went to a little vintage book shop and left with kafka and the sleepwalkers. a good day all in all.

one thing- border guards are most certainly on santa's naughty list as they aren't remotely polite or bearable in any sense.

i've been a bad blogger lately, i know. delinquency's my bag.

anyhow- i'm off to watch a documentary ('stupidity') and then perhaps i can convince paul to withstand hugh 'homo' grant's performance in 'love actually'.

later kiddies.

a word

so i would write
the history of your life
glove-fingered
in the snow
and when the spring came
all the water of your sadness
would roll into the sea, unamed
and none but the mineral
of your mind and heart
would remain


and now, to tear myself away...how strange. forty hours could have just as easily been five minutes and i would have been none the wiser.

i would never have guessed that a person could change in a matter of weeks and i don't mean switching from fabric softener to dryer sheets either. i mean changing a part of yourself that you believed to be eternal or inate. selfishness, restraint, all of my inabilities are crushed under the weight of you, your words and your actions.

the passage of time is so subliminal. it's so strange of a concept to sit and number all of the intangible things that are contained in a physical world.

it's safe to say i'm fixated.

what i mean to say is...

i'm yours.