swf, likes long walks and hard cocks, seeking swm preferably rich and stupid 18-75, for romance maybe more
here's something people may not know about me:
i subscribe to the newspaper.
every morning when i wake up, i put a pot of coffee on and read the whole paper (except spots cuz i don't give a shit). on of my favourite sections is the classifieds. i read the personal ads all the time because i think it's the most entertaining thing in print.
the things that people choose to put in their personal ads is so vapid and cliche that i don't know how they can possibly expect someone to respond.
here's an example from today's paper:
come fly with me
good-looking, stylish, classy sexy, fun sinatra style SM, 49, seeks shapely passionate, kind-hearted woman for romance, love and laughter, slightly overweight and older ok.
(and this next one is my favourite...smell the desperation)
complete my life
swf, 34, average build, marriage-minded, n/s, devoted christian, likes to go on long walks, seeks swm, 32-37, n/s, who will love me and my children.
the best part about the ads is how they're all exactly the same. everyone is outgoing, well-built, likes movies, dinner, fine wine and long walks on the fucken beach. the other thing that turns up constantly is 'seeking honesty' even though none of them are honest about the ads. it's got me thinking about what my personal ad would be if i were single. maybe i'll run it next week and see who responds.
size matters
SWF, 22, introverted writer/unsuccessful student, smoker, drinker seeking SWM, 20-50 for brief physical connection. fatties need not reply.
at least i'm honest.
what would your personal ad be?
i subscribe to the newspaper.
every morning when i wake up, i put a pot of coffee on and read the whole paper (except spots cuz i don't give a shit). on of my favourite sections is the classifieds. i read the personal ads all the time because i think it's the most entertaining thing in print.
the things that people choose to put in their personal ads is so vapid and cliche that i don't know how they can possibly expect someone to respond.
here's an example from today's paper:
come fly with me
good-looking, stylish, classy sexy, fun sinatra style SM, 49, seeks shapely passionate, kind-hearted woman for romance, love and laughter, slightly overweight and older ok.
(and this next one is my favourite...smell the desperation)
complete my life
swf, 34, average build, marriage-minded, n/s, devoted christian, likes to go on long walks, seeks swm, 32-37, n/s, who will love me and my children.
the best part about the ads is how they're all exactly the same. everyone is outgoing, well-built, likes movies, dinner, fine wine and long walks on the fucken beach. the other thing that turns up constantly is 'seeking honesty' even though none of them are honest about the ads. it's got me thinking about what my personal ad would be if i were single. maybe i'll run it next week and see who responds.
size matters
SWF, 22, introverted writer/unsuccessful student, smoker, drinker seeking SWM, 20-50 for brief physical connection. fatties need not reply.
at least i'm honest.
what would your personal ad be?
posted by diadima at 6:25 PM
30 Comments:
SWF, 24, likes pina coladas and getting caught in the rain. Seeks SWM 24-25 for intense relationship based on lies and manipulation. Own bunny a must. Call me! :)
i used to read the ads to make fun of people too. there were an unnerving number of 50 yr old men looking for very slim asian ladies under 30.
ugh.
SWF: crazy as a loon. superficial, although you must be able to speak "math". hand-to-mouth finances, seeks younger man to abuse.
red hair a plus.
must own car.
wait, wait. what if i actually do like walks on the beach?
OK, OK, here's my real ad.
SWF, 24, fat, cranky, judgemental N/S seeks nice man who doesn't yell or hit. Johnny Depp type face an advantage but not essential.
loz: aww, bunnies.
underhill: from whence have you returned forth?
tony: you would so get a hundred responses from older women if you posted that.
but only if you sent in your profile pic as well.
aa: you REALLY like walks on the beach....that's a bit of a connundrum. i say skip it just on the principle of how gay it sounds when you read it in the paper.
loz again: i found one in this morning's paper that says john bonham type face sans mustache, is that close enough?
Definitely not sans mustache!
Or even at all.
Should I maybe change my ad to make sure it's clear my date should be alive?
SWM, 27, smoker, drinker, abstruse, overweight, seeks 18-45 hot SWF that can dip it low, then pick
it up slow, move it all around, and poke it out like their back's broke, no fatties or christians, swear like a sailor a plus
SWM, 21, drinker, dislikes theatres, formal dinnerwear and being nice to your friends and family, seeks young, hot and tempting girl, with ability to form complete, intelligent sentences. Hot twin sister not required, but strongly beneficial.
bf 20-36 wltm blw ASAP.
(bf: big fellah, blw: buxom lusty wench)
nick: you just raised a very annoying point. you say in your ad you're overweight and not looking to meet fatties. is that cuz you're scared they'll eat your dinner, or what?
aaron: i've never understood the fascination with twin sisters. you do know it would be incest, right?
MWF would like to be LEFT THE HELL ALONE. Don't touch me. I SAID DON'T!
My favorite actual ad: "Granny seeks boy toy to suck her toes."
Hunter Ceiling Fan Remote stuff? Bring it on baby! I'm all analanimalsexed right out.
loz: well, I wouldn't be the incestuous one, and there would be no possibility of kids. Its all about havin more of a good thing to work with I guess?
aahh I see. Quantity over diversity!
it's a pretty gross thought though - what makes guys think that sisters are up for that sort of thing?
Loz, is it wrong of me to have completely unattainable goals?
Not at all nick, but i wonder if all the non-fatty ladies out there are also seeking the same thing?
roseanne barr & tom arnold were happy for a time.
now if people don't come back and keep commenting or writing new posts I'm just going to have to start obsessively commenting on your behalfs. Behalves. Behalfelses. Behoofs. I don't know.
SNAM, 28, complete loner with minimal social skills, drinks, smokes and loves cybersex seeking 18-50 MILF with no self esteem and a love for cleaning, MMORPG's, blowjobs and giving backrubs a must. Nerd girls a plus.
/meh i could have been more honest but thats all i can think of right now.
Cheyenne, too bad I have self esteem. You almost had me there.
iM wasted aanna fuck?
cheyeennessee wiwll you ma ryrry me?
I love to ma ryrry people. Best part of the day, if you ask me.
Excellent resource site here. Thanks.
I've got a glucosamine condroitin site/blog. And it covers glucosamine condroitin related items.
Come and check it out if you get time :-)
Derek Chronicles was here
You've been Spammed. Do you feel it?
.............. c'mon. new stuff!
i mean please.
First Amendment, Schmirst Amendment
For entirely selfish reasons, we're always happy to see more advertising moving to websites generally and to blogs specifically.
Hey, you have a great blog here! I'm definitely going to bookmark you!
I have a Direct TV FL site. It pretty much covers Direct TV FL related stuff.
Come and check it out if you get time :-)
whats with the freakin spam??
I'm starting to get some of these spam/bot comments too, I think its finally time to get my lazy ass in gear and switch to HaloScan commenting.
Yeah, but HaloScan sucks the ass of a 1000 demons.
MWM 26... sh*t, hide, here comes my wife!
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