first words and last words

were she here, emily would raise an eyebrow to me for thinking the following...

i really didn't think i'd be here again.

i thought i was past being here again.

i can't think of a worse day off.
for all it got me, i should have worked. then i wouldn't be here. in this place. in this space. in this state of confusion. with this upset stomach.

just one of those days.
from the start, things weren't right- and by the end they were worse. the kind of day that blindsides you. the kind of words that blindside you.

in university, i had an english professor who was fixated on opening and closing lines of plays. first and last words. she thought there was so much meaning to unearth in them. admittedly, it was really interesting to discuss the correlation.

although i can't recall the first words right now...the last ones tonight were along the lines of, 'you think you're the fucking princess and the pea...'

but i don't.
i never have.
and if anything, i thought you would know it by now.