i'm like harriet the spy
so.
several months ago i thought it would be fun to post a profile on one of those endlessly entertaining dating sites. the glorious prospect of blog fodder alone was too tempting to pass up and thus, diadima: eco-vixen was born. it was absurdly amusing for a while but then i sort of forgot about it. i checked in again earlier today only to find that my inbox was bursting with every kind of shitty one-liner, each with a varrying grasp of the english language. a few took the time and effort to construct multiple sentences claiming they were charming or animal lovers or adventurous; many mention they're looking for 'friendship first' or 'casual fun' and a few even went so far as include their phone numbers along with the suggestion that if i don't believe i've found my soulmate after browsing through their q&a, then my 'eyes and heart must both be closed to the possibility of true love'.
behold the gem: i call it, 'a letter from borat' or 'let's make a sexytime!'
hi
How are you? I'm Emil from Baku , It's near the Turkey, I'm 27 yearold single man. You are very beautiful, sexy lady , very very beatiful, I like you I would like to be your friend, please if you will get this mail please send me mesege, if you want, I will give more detail about myself, I think I will be happy with you
For me its hard to describe myself But I will try to write something about my character, wishes and so
I love art, and music, and books, and movies, and interesting conversations, and all kinds of other things that you could guess about pretty much everybody...
I am a caring romantic, guy that loves to kiss to hold to touch and love to make love
I am not the best man you ever meet but the most honest and one that will care for you with all of my heart dedicated and loyal
No bad habits, only smoke and only drink about 5-10 times a year.
My friends tell me I'm very friendly, easy-going, handsome and very romantic guy
I live in Baku with my parents,and 2 sisters.
I am now looking for a dear and kind, intelligent, beautiful and sexy Lady for a lifelong partnership in mutual understanding and respect to eachother in which then the words honesty,trust and faithfulness should be as important as the imaginative,tender and variant eroticism without wrong shame and inhibitions.
In our culture marriage means a (life long) relationship/commitement to stay together throught the whole life and I am looking for that.I'm ready to love only my soulmate through my whole life.I also expect same from my furure soulmate. I'm looking for the person having the same characters of mine.I want to have my real partner with all my heart.Like me she should be simple by manner, simple by nature and simple by thinking, having good sence of humore, shy, good looking. She should be Looking for confientail + real friendship or more
I hope you will be my solemate without doubt . Bye, I'm waiting for your letter
i suppose in some ways, i should feel bad about shamlessly posting some poor soul's heartfelt message to me...but for the love of jebus, it was just too money.
several months ago i thought it would be fun to post a profile on one of those endlessly entertaining dating sites. the glorious prospect of blog fodder alone was too tempting to pass up and thus, diadima: eco-vixen was born. it was absurdly amusing for a while but then i sort of forgot about it. i checked in again earlier today only to find that my inbox was bursting with every kind of shitty one-liner, each with a varrying grasp of the english language. a few took the time and effort to construct multiple sentences claiming they were charming or animal lovers or adventurous; many mention they're looking for 'friendship first' or 'casual fun' and a few even went so far as include their phone numbers along with the suggestion that if i don't believe i've found my soulmate after browsing through their q&a, then my 'eyes and heart must both be closed to the possibility of true love'.
behold the gem: i call it, 'a letter from borat' or 'let's make a sexytime!'
hi
How are you? I'm Emil from Baku , It's near the Turkey, I'm 27 yearold single man. You are very beautiful, sexy lady , very very beatiful, I like you I would like to be your friend, please if you will get this mail please send me mesege, if you want, I will give more detail about myself, I think I will be happy with you
For me its hard to describe myself But I will try to write something about my character, wishes and so
I love art, and music, and books, and movies, and interesting conversations, and all kinds of other things that you could guess about pretty much everybody...
I am a caring romantic, guy that loves to kiss to hold to touch and love to make love
I am not the best man you ever meet but the most honest and one that will care for you with all of my heart dedicated and loyal
No bad habits, only smoke and only drink about 5-10 times a year.
My friends tell me I'm very friendly, easy-going, handsome and very romantic guy
I live in Baku with my parents,and 2 sisters.
I am now looking for a dear and kind, intelligent, beautiful and sexy Lady for a lifelong partnership in mutual understanding and respect to eachother in which then the words honesty,trust and faithfulness should be as important as the imaginative,tender and variant eroticism without wrong shame and inhibitions.
In our culture marriage means a (life long) relationship/commitement to stay together throught the whole life and I am looking for that.I'm ready to love only my soulmate through my whole life.I also expect same from my furure soulmate. I'm looking for the person having the same characters of mine.I want to have my real partner with all my heart.Like me she should be simple by manner, simple by nature and simple by thinking, having good sence of humore, shy, good looking. She should be Looking for confientail + real friendship or more
I hope you will be my solemate without doubt . Bye, I'm waiting for your letter
i suppose in some ways, i should feel bad about shamlessly posting some poor soul's heartfelt message to me...but for the love of jebus, it was just too money.
posted by diadima at 4:01 PM
24 Comments:
Apparently there's something about me that makes the Russian ladies go crazy. I wonder what it is?
Oh yeah...I live in America and they want a Visa.
Maybe you'd feel better if you knew he sent that same letter to 2,586 other special ladies out there.
I think you two are, without a doubt, soulmates. I mean, you are definitely the most "simple by thinking" girl I've ever met. Hands down.
I thought about making a hitler crack re: his "furure soulmate", but I'm afraid the blogger people will ban me.
I am sad you would make fun of Emil. He only wants to love you.
Why you mock Emil's tender and variant eroticisms.
I thought you have the same characters of mine, but Emil was clearly miscorrect.
Todd - You should get on that dude. Russian chicks are crazy.
Ubes - He sent it to me as well, so, 2,587.
Little Miss Muck - Hitler jokes are never inappropriate.
Emil - Dude, you are the Captain of the SS Crazy Bastard and your crew are you incomprehensible rantings.
Guest Comment-Responder Nick is brought to you by the letter Q and Gold Bond Medicated Powder.
Hotel Accomodations provided by my car and my hecking account.
You accuse Emil of being bad grammarer. But you spell "checking" miscorrectly.
Leave Emil's metaphorical ships alone.
Metaphors are my phorte, Emil. It's what I do.
Even if my spelling can't keep up. Also, I'm high on NyQuil.
your acrimonious spelling hurts Emil's head.
Emil hopes you perish in flames.
I should probably log out of this account. I already accidentally left a comment on Sysm's blog.
Hey, I'm no used car salesman but fuck me if, "I am not the best man you ever meet but the most honest and one that will care for you with all of my heart dedicated and loyal" ain't the lamest piece of salesmanship I ever heard.
Come om Borat we expect more from youthan that.
Holy crap I can't type for shit tonight! Typos R us (I don't know how to do backwards "R"s)
I think you're all drunk.
Nick's excused, since it's Nyquil. The rest of you, report to my office for disciplinary action.
He sounds like a keeper!
I wasn't THAT drunk.
Once again, I am betray. Why to post my letter of true love on the public?
I just don't get why someone would possibly contact someone around the world on a dating website.
At least he did not say "I am loving animals long time, too!" or something to that effect.
Animals need love too.
You know what's hilarious?
belittling others. It makes you feel better about yourself.
I mean hey, he's a foreigner with a loose grasp on the english language and a healthy interest in getting laid. How can he compete with a bunch of people with blogs? (TIME magazine's people of the year, no less)
Also, 16 comments all containing the same joke (each one funnier than the last, of course).
Money is the perfect word for it, and Borat is the perfect comparison. Thanks for sharing that!
You know what else is hilarious?
Insulting a bunch of people but being to much of a coward to identify yourself.
This comment has been removed by the author.
Hmmm... yes, we'd best not hurt the feelings of someone who spams young ladies on dating sites. I'm sure he's a deeply sensitive soul who meant every word he wrote, and is crying himself to sleep every night he doesn't hear an answer from his one true love, Dia. How dare we find humor in it!
Anonymous, I'm sure you just wrote that because you care about the plight of this guy. I mean, it certainly doesn't appear you have a PERSONAL ax to grind or anything, or else you'd be brave enough to identify yourself.
Sniveling little bully.
my feelings are hurt because emil did not offer me any variant eroticisms. and believe me, i could use some eroticisms right about now, variant or otherwise.
Holy frikkin' sheet beyatch, where is your new post.
Sorry, I is drunk aiiiight?
Sorry Ali Gee was several years ago, right?
I'll get me coat.
I have no personal axe to grind. (okay, maybe i feel a bit left out by TIME magazine)
i don't post or respond or look at dating sites.
i don't think i insulted anyone. i simply pointed out something you were all doing and the obvious ironies.
i don't care about anyone's plight any more than the next guy. i do care when people are unfunny. it is lame.
i am not a coward. i simply don't have a blog or a 'handle' so why inventing one? 'anonymous' works for me (though admittedly it's not as personally revealing as, say, 'ubermilf'). if anybody wants to beat me up, let me know and i will make the necessary arrangements.
so apparently biting wit is bullying, but belittling horny foreigners in absentia isn't. so i apologize. but remember this: that spring break in cancun? who was the horny foreigner THEN?
seacrest out.
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