All I ask is that you don't carry my heart around with you while you're losing your head...

Have you ever cared about someone so much that after they hurt you, all you wanted was to see them writhe around on the floor in sheer, unrelenting agony while you laughed at them like the maniac that you are?

I have.

Only, once I got what I wanted, I didn't really want it anymore.

I like to consider myself to be the type of person who is acutely in tune with other people's weaknesses. As a result, when I'm angry, I intentionally attack those weaknesses with full force. Whatever you care about, it couldn't matter less to me. You couldn't matter less to me. I've basically been living my life like that forever, completly undisturbed by the masses.

Last week, I decided to take a shot at someone that I used to love. Basically, he's been the subject of about a year's worth of artistic ramblings (check out the poetry section of my website here and see for yourself). In a way, I’ve been trying all this time to get a reaction.

Well, I did.

Take away the bitterness and unabashed use of profanity, and I guess you could say that he acted more betrayed than anything. I guess he never thought that I was the type of person to go online and sell him out. I never thought that I would be the type of person to offer an ounce of forgiveness to anyone who ever crossed me. But right now I’m sitting here thinking about past conversations and I guess I wasn’t really that sad that it was over, just upset that I didn’t get to end it first. I think that when he said he’d love me always no matter what happened between us, that in my heart I knew that was a warning. I knew what it meant. He didn’t, and I knew that he didn’t. But hey…I’ve never really excelled at immediacy.

Mea Culpa (and I’m sorry Donavan).