These boots were made for walking...and subsequently collapsing at the top of the trail
On Wednesday I was cleaning out my closet. Not the full on Eminem style, but more looking at all of the random pairs of jeans I own that are too small for me and deciding whether to diet or donate them to Goodwill. Since I'm not a tremendously wealthy person and do not care to spend the time replacing my entire wardrobe, nor do I want to give up my love of tasty treats, I decided that perhaps EXERCISE might be an effective measure.
In my prime (we're talking senior year of highschool here...), I did yoga three times a week and went for an evening run every day at 8pm (7pm on Tuesday's, so I'd be home in time for Buffy). Needless to say, I was in pretty good shape. Then, I went to university and moved into residence where I subsisted on a hunter/gatherer based diet of peanuts and nanaimo bars- also I started smoking. All things considered, some of you may conclude that it was naive of me to think that I could hike of the Hamilton Escarpment with my sister yesterday without any lack of ease.
Let me just say that some of you might then be right.
Seriously, it was pathetic.
About a quarter of the way up I honestly saw my life flash before my eyes. Walking up such a steep incline actually made my legs feel like the bones inside had turned to mush. Of course I complained like the whiney bitch that I am the whole time. Not to be outdone, my sister, Tabitha stopped suddenly when we were about halfway up and uttered the following...
"I can't breathe! Fuck, I need a cigarette"
The irony is kind of touching, isn't it?
In my prime (we're talking senior year of highschool here...), I did yoga three times a week and went for an evening run every day at 8pm (7pm on Tuesday's, so I'd be home in time for Buffy). Needless to say, I was in pretty good shape. Then, I went to university and moved into residence where I subsisted on a hunter/gatherer based diet of peanuts and nanaimo bars- also I started smoking. All things considered, some of you may conclude that it was naive of me to think that I could hike of the Hamilton Escarpment with my sister yesterday without any lack of ease.
Let me just say that some of you might then be right.
Seriously, it was pathetic.
About a quarter of the way up I honestly saw my life flash before my eyes. Walking up such a steep incline actually made my legs feel like the bones inside had turned to mush. Of course I complained like the whiney bitch that I am the whole time. Not to be outdone, my sister, Tabitha stopped suddenly when we were about halfway up and uttered the following...
"I can't breathe! Fuck, I need a cigarette"
The irony is kind of touching, isn't it?
posted by diadima at 12:25 PM
9 Comments:
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couple things: What the hell is an Escarpment? Is that a fancy Canadian word for, like, mountain or very large hill?
Also, what is a nanaimo bar?
Aside from my lack of knowledge regarding the previous two items, I emulate your sentiments daily. I hate to climb things; mountains, trees, stairs - you name it I don't climb it. Then again, I am not exactly what one would call healthy. We had to climb this mountain in Germany once, and I don't mean with ropes and carabiners, I mean we walked up a concrete path with a relativley mild grade and I, literally, died. I'm dead now. Doesn't that just beat all?
NEVER EVER throw out or donate jeans -- they are the most versatile garment in any wardrobe (except for thongs, they beat all hands-down).
you never know when you'll need a pair of cut-offs to incognito as daisey duke at 70's and retro parties.
also .. old, faded, frayed jeans can make anyone look and feel SEXY .. save them for girl's night out.
anthony: i actually quit smoking three months ago...so that theory is shot.
nick: an escarpment (courtesy of mark, who has a minor in geography) is a geographical phenomenon where two sections of rock slide along a fault line, one section pushing up, and one section pushing down. thus we have hamilton downtown (below the escarpment) and hamilton mountain. it is essentially a three hundred foot high cliff face.
also, i just found out today that nanaimo bars were strictly canadian. they are a delicious chocolate, vanilla cream layered square. apparently they're from a west coast town called nanaimo in british columbia. good thing i was born and raised in this country.
nam: i shall hold on to them until my dying day.
the history of the nanaimo bars:
http://david.bembidion.org/recipes/nanaimo.html
as you're taking stuff to the goodwill, just rememeber to set aside fur coats for PETA .. they are re-directing used fir coats to the homeless .. "let them wear fur" .. i don't think they realize there's gonna be a record heatwave this summer (i said it, so it must be true!)
I whine like a whiney bitch too. It's my right and I choose to exercise it - especially as I don't exercise anything else, including my fat bum.
Props for the Eminem reference, I laughed out loud.
I always assumed "escarpment" was a fancy word for "hill" that geologists and geographers used around each other to make us pedestrian folks feel inferior. It worked.
sounds like a good time.
my friend does mountain climbing, i'm gonna go with him this summer sometime to climb.
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